single male 101 guide
I just got "single male 101 guide" on my lvd account, freaking hallarious. Guys! Read it, its all true, which is why it is so funny!
-Nona
Warning: If you are easily offended, please do not read
We are known for “keeping it real” on LoveVoodoo. So I am going to give you single guys the real scoop! No beating around the bush, and I am NOT going to attempt to NOT hurt anyone’s feelings. I am just going to lay it out there for you. If you are a single guy in the lifestyle, and you are not getting any action, you are doing something wrong! I was a single guy in the Lifestyle, I am average looking at best, and my calendar was always full! We get emails all the time from single men like “ LoveVoodoo is not single male friendly, I am leaving”. So I check out the profile, and there is a picture of an overweight guy, sitting at his computer, with a little dick, a big mess of hair jerking off, with a stupid look on his face! Yeah…… I am sure it is LoveVoodoo’s fault that this guy is not getting any action. That being said, some of you guys with a little help can have a lot of fun. So here it goes!
1. If you are 60 years old and you think you are going to pick up a 25 year old hot girl on a Lifestyle site, unless you drive a Ferrari, have a big ass boat, and a house in South Beach, do not even bother reading on. Either keep you profile to look at pictures, or cancel it and move on. I can not help you.
2. If you are over weight and out of shape, the chances of getting a hot girl are VERY slim. Either lower your standards or go the gym and eat more salad. I am not trying to be mean; I have packed on a few extra lbs the last few years myself, but this is a fact. There are some great looking guys out there that work out ever day and have great bodies. Why would a girl want to have sex with you rather than them? You say you are a nice guy with a charming personality? That’s nice, but that is why they have husband’s and boyfriends. They want get fucked well. That’s it. You certainly would not enter the Daytona 500 in a Caravan. If you do you will look like an ass, and not finish the race. What then? Hey this race track sucks! All of these fast cars keep winning! I am leaving!
3. Let me guess…. you want to meet a nice single girl. Well it is possible, I actually met Elena in the Lifestyle, but it is HIGHLY unlikely. If that is what you are looking for, I suggest you join a regular dating site, find the wildest girl you can, then get her into the Lifestyle!
4. Shave your balls! Stop Laughing… Really.. .Shave your junk! 1. It makes your dick look bigger
2. It is just plain rude not to! Go ahead, do it now….
5. Dick pics. There is nothing I hate worse than getting up every morning to approve a hundred dick pics. Come on guys! It is just ridiculous. No one wants to see that. People just think you are a great big perv when those types of pics. Are there exceptions? Yes. If you have a huge dick, I mean huge. Over 9. Then by all means post a few cock shots. I am sure you will get some action. But if you are an average guy, keep it in your pants until its time to use it! I am sure you have heard women say “size does not matter” Were they just being polite? Yes they were. Size does matter, and guys with big dicks get more women. That is the truth.
6. Profile Photos. Put some photos of you having a good time with friends. Maybe taking part in some sort of sport, traveling, etc. Maybe a pic with a hot girl. Other women will think “mm if he is good enough for her, he is good enough for me!” Not a porn star at AVN, just a regular hot girl. For God sake no pics of you sitting in front of your computer staring into the camera like a dolt! Those are the worst.
7. Dress nice guys. Better to over dress than under dress. A nice pair of slacks, and a nice shirt, or a cool pair of jeans and a modern shirt will do fine. No Dockers and polo shirts, women will think you are boring and that you have not been out in the last 20 years. No ratty jeans or T-shirts, if I have to explain why this is a bad Idea you are a lost cause. No tweed coats with patches on the sleeves! Seriously, go out spend a few hundred bucks. You have to look nice; there is a lot of competition out there.
8. No stupid screen names about how good you are orally. Please do not mention how big your tongue is in your profile. You think “man the ladies are going to love this!! They love gettin the oral, they are going to be HOT HOT HOT when they read this!” No dude, they are not going to be hot hot hot, they are going to think. ‘mmm, he talks about oral so much, I bet he has a small dick” You know why they will think that? Because they are probably right. No point in drawing attention to it.
9. Never ever ever get drunk. 1. You act like an ass. 2. Your shit will not work….. Enough said.
10. Smoking in my opinion is a bad idea. I know for Elena is a deal breaker. Some people may not mind, however no one is going to say “I would love to have sex with that guy, if he only smoked!” Play it safe, and don’t smoke. On top of that it gives you bad breath, and baked bean teeth, and cancer, but this is only my opinion mind you.
11. If you see a couple with a hot girl, always, I mean always approached the guy first and introduce yourself. Compliment his wife to him, and then introduce yourself to her. This is the toughest part. If you act like you are getting his permission, she may be offended. She may think “who does he think he is? If he wants to talk to me he should talk to me!” Then again, if you ignore him he may shut you down before you get started. I would hang back, observe the situation then tread lightly. This first contact is critical.
12. If things are going well don’t be shy. Ask her to dance, touch her, go for a kiss if you can get it. Elena calls this “respectfully aggressive” If you touch her in front of her guy, he will know that you are up front and not trying to do anything behind his back. I would then compliment him again “you are a lucky guy”, “man she can dance” etc.
13. Never ever ever approach a girl as soon as her guy walks away. This is a big no no. If it happens by accident, as soon as the guy comes back, be sure to shake his hand and introduce yourself.
14. If a girl approaches you, first thing I would ask is “Who are you hear with” If she is there with someone, ask her to introduce you. You can score big points doing this! If she is alone, you have just found the mythical Unicorn, it is your lucky night!
15. Never tell anyone who you party with.. There is a stigma attached to partying with single men and most couples want to keep it on the down low. If you are good, girls will tell each other. The word will get around. They will also know that you can keep your mouth shut. This is key to your success.
16. Participate in blogs and chats on LoveVoodoo (or other sites) Talk about something interesting, but not controversial. No Religion or Politics.
17. If you go to a club, don’t just stand there like a fool. Dance, talk to people, have fun! If you just stand there and do nothing, nothing will happen, I promise you!
18. Don’t talk about how much money you make. It would not hurt to let people know you are successful but don’t be cocky about it. Maybe the couple is poor and the husband has a job making 35k a year. Then you come rolling in, talking about how you just blew 35k playing craps in Vegas. You may make the husband feel bad, so he will not want to party, or he may feel threatened.
19. Don’t talk to the husband too much. Anyone that knows me, know I like to talk! A couple of times I have approached a couple hoping to hook up with the girl. I will find out the I have a lot in common with the husband, we will get to talking about cars, or politics, before I know it the wife is out dancing with someone else!
20. Once again please please shave your sack,
21. No gold chains.
22. Save the dirty talk for the bed room. It is a turn on to some women, and a turn off to others. Why take a chance?
23. If you observe a couple, and there seems to be some tension. Stay away. Nothing good could come out to approaching them. Now if he gets pissed and leaves her at the club alone, well that’s another story!
24. No means no. If you get the green light, by all means go for it. But if a couple seems disinterested, tell them it was nice meeting them and move on. No point of wasting your time with two hundred other couples and singles to talk to. Not pressuring them may event open the door to something in the future. It is hard to kick a reputation for being pushy.
25. If you send an email on the site, be sure you read the couples profile. See if you have something in common with them. “Hey nice pussy” probably will not go over to well!
26. This is one that I should take to heart myself! Check the spelling and punctuation on your profile. I am the worst speller known to man! Some people may read your profile and think you are ignorant if you can not spell. It is worth putting in the extra time.
27. Finally, if you can not get laid in a vanilla bar, you can not get laid in a swingers club. Most of the time a vanilla club is an easier place for a single guy to get some. Swingers club are about having a unique experience, not easy pussy. If that what you are looking for, you just don’t get it, and no list is going to help you
Guys these are just a few tips, I am sure there are hundreds more. If you invest some time in getting a good reputation in the Lifestyle, the word will spread and you will have tons of fun. If you want a quickie, you are in the wrong place.
-Todd
Owner lovevoodoo
-Nona
Warning: If you are easily offended, please do not read
We are known for “keeping it real” on LoveVoodoo. So I am going to give you single guys the real scoop! No beating around the bush, and I am NOT going to attempt to NOT hurt anyone’s feelings. I am just going to lay it out there for you. If you are a single guy in the lifestyle, and you are not getting any action, you are doing something wrong! I was a single guy in the Lifestyle, I am average looking at best, and my calendar was always full! We get emails all the time from single men like “ LoveVoodoo is not single male friendly, I am leaving”. So I check out the profile, and there is a picture of an overweight guy, sitting at his computer, with a little dick, a big mess of hair jerking off, with a stupid look on his face! Yeah…… I am sure it is LoveVoodoo’s fault that this guy is not getting any action. That being said, some of you guys with a little help can have a lot of fun. So here it goes!
1. If you are 60 years old and you think you are going to pick up a 25 year old hot girl on a Lifestyle site, unless you drive a Ferrari, have a big ass boat, and a house in South Beach, do not even bother reading on. Either keep you profile to look at pictures, or cancel it and move on. I can not help you.
2. If you are over weight and out of shape, the chances of getting a hot girl are VERY slim. Either lower your standards or go the gym and eat more salad. I am not trying to be mean; I have packed on a few extra lbs the last few years myself, but this is a fact. There are some great looking guys out there that work out ever day and have great bodies. Why would a girl want to have sex with you rather than them? You say you are a nice guy with a charming personality? That’s nice, but that is why they have husband’s and boyfriends. They want get fucked well. That’s it. You certainly would not enter the Daytona 500 in a Caravan. If you do you will look like an ass, and not finish the race. What then? Hey this race track sucks! All of these fast cars keep winning! I am leaving!
3. Let me guess…. you want to meet a nice single girl. Well it is possible, I actually met Elena in the Lifestyle, but it is HIGHLY unlikely. If that is what you are looking for, I suggest you join a regular dating site, find the wildest girl you can, then get her into the Lifestyle!
4. Shave your balls! Stop Laughing… Really.. .Shave your junk! 1. It makes your dick look bigger
2. It is just plain rude not to! Go ahead, do it now….
5. Dick pics. There is nothing I hate worse than getting up every morning to approve a hundred dick pics. Come on guys! It is just ridiculous. No one wants to see that. People just think you are a great big perv when those types of pics. Are there exceptions? Yes. If you have a huge dick, I mean huge. Over 9. Then by all means post a few cock shots. I am sure you will get some action. But if you are an average guy, keep it in your pants until its time to use it! I am sure you have heard women say “size does not matter” Were they just being polite? Yes they were. Size does matter, and guys with big dicks get more women. That is the truth.
6. Profile Photos. Put some photos of you having a good time with friends. Maybe taking part in some sort of sport, traveling, etc. Maybe a pic with a hot girl. Other women will think “mm if he is good enough for her, he is good enough for me!” Not a porn star at AVN, just a regular hot girl. For God sake no pics of you sitting in front of your computer staring into the camera like a dolt! Those are the worst.
7. Dress nice guys. Better to over dress than under dress. A nice pair of slacks, and a nice shirt, or a cool pair of jeans and a modern shirt will do fine. No Dockers and polo shirts, women will think you are boring and that you have not been out in the last 20 years. No ratty jeans or T-shirts, if I have to explain why this is a bad Idea you are a lost cause. No tweed coats with patches on the sleeves! Seriously, go out spend a few hundred bucks. You have to look nice; there is a lot of competition out there.
8. No stupid screen names about how good you are orally. Please do not mention how big your tongue is in your profile. You think “man the ladies are going to love this!! They love gettin the oral, they are going to be HOT HOT HOT when they read this!” No dude, they are not going to be hot hot hot, they are going to think. ‘mmm, he talks about oral so much, I bet he has a small dick” You know why they will think that? Because they are probably right. No point in drawing attention to it.
9. Never ever ever get drunk. 1. You act like an ass. 2. Your shit will not work….. Enough said.
10. Smoking in my opinion is a bad idea. I know for Elena is a deal breaker. Some people may not mind, however no one is going to say “I would love to have sex with that guy, if he only smoked!” Play it safe, and don’t smoke. On top of that it gives you bad breath, and baked bean teeth, and cancer, but this is only my opinion mind you.
11. If you see a couple with a hot girl, always, I mean always approached the guy first and introduce yourself. Compliment his wife to him, and then introduce yourself to her. This is the toughest part. If you act like you are getting his permission, she may be offended. She may think “who does he think he is? If he wants to talk to me he should talk to me!” Then again, if you ignore him he may shut you down before you get started. I would hang back, observe the situation then tread lightly. This first contact is critical.
12. If things are going well don’t be shy. Ask her to dance, touch her, go for a kiss if you can get it. Elena calls this “respectfully aggressive” If you touch her in front of her guy, he will know that you are up front and not trying to do anything behind his back. I would then compliment him again “you are a lucky guy”, “man she can dance” etc.
13. Never ever ever approach a girl as soon as her guy walks away. This is a big no no. If it happens by accident, as soon as the guy comes back, be sure to shake his hand and introduce yourself.
14. If a girl approaches you, first thing I would ask is “Who are you hear with” If she is there with someone, ask her to introduce you. You can score big points doing this! If she is alone, you have just found the mythical Unicorn, it is your lucky night!
15. Never tell anyone who you party with.. There is a stigma attached to partying with single men and most couples want to keep it on the down low. If you are good, girls will tell each other. The word will get around. They will also know that you can keep your mouth shut. This is key to your success.
16. Participate in blogs and chats on LoveVoodoo (or other sites) Talk about something interesting, but not controversial. No Religion or Politics.
17. If you go to a club, don’t just stand there like a fool. Dance, talk to people, have fun! If you just stand there and do nothing, nothing will happen, I promise you!
18. Don’t talk about how much money you make. It would not hurt to let people know you are successful but don’t be cocky about it. Maybe the couple is poor and the husband has a job making 35k a year. Then you come rolling in, talking about how you just blew 35k playing craps in Vegas. You may make the husband feel bad, so he will not want to party, or he may feel threatened.
19. Don’t talk to the husband too much. Anyone that knows me, know I like to talk! A couple of times I have approached a couple hoping to hook up with the girl. I will find out the I have a lot in common with the husband, we will get to talking about cars, or politics, before I know it the wife is out dancing with someone else!
20. Once again please please shave your sack,
21. No gold chains.
22. Save the dirty talk for the bed room. It is a turn on to some women, and a turn off to others. Why take a chance?
23. If you observe a couple, and there seems to be some tension. Stay away. Nothing good could come out to approaching them. Now if he gets pissed and leaves her at the club alone, well that’s another story!
24. No means no. If you get the green light, by all means go for it. But if a couple seems disinterested, tell them it was nice meeting them and move on. No point of wasting your time with two hundred other couples and singles to talk to. Not pressuring them may event open the door to something in the future. It is hard to kick a reputation for being pushy.
25. If you send an email on the site, be sure you read the couples profile. See if you have something in common with them. “Hey nice pussy” probably will not go over to well!
26. This is one that I should take to heart myself! Check the spelling and punctuation on your profile. I am the worst speller known to man! Some people may read your profile and think you are ignorant if you can not spell. It is worth putting in the extra time.
27. Finally, if you can not get laid in a vanilla bar, you can not get laid in a swingers club. Most of the time a vanilla club is an easier place for a single guy to get some. Swingers club are about having a unique experience, not easy pussy. If that what you are looking for, you just don’t get it, and no list is going to help you
Guys these are just a few tips, I am sure there are hundreds more. If you invest some time in getting a good reputation in the Lifestyle, the word will spread and you will have tons of fun. If you want a quickie, you are in the wrong place.
-Todd
Owner lovevoodoo
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